Ewa, I am so sorry to hear about your immense struggles. Do you have support and a place to turn if need help or feel out of control? If you are in America, you can call 9-8-8 for someone to talk with. You can also call 800-273-TALK (8255). There is no shame in reaching out for help!! That is self-care and self-advocacy.
You can also participate in WRAP groups even if you aren’t sober. Sobriety is not required for you to join a WRAP program or create a WRAP on your own. WRAP is just a self-directed tool to help you find the best path to your personal wellness.
You said you stopped therapy because you felt guilty for using substances, but sobriety isn’t a requirement for therapy either. It is a way to get support, tools you need to move forward, and a place to be heard and receive help.
WRAP is a peer program, so we don’t offer any official medical advice or counseling. But we care!!! My heart is with you, and I hope you continue seeking the help you need so you can move forward, find true happiness, and reduce your anxiety. Life can be so hard, but it sounds like you have a husband and family who deeply love you, which is a real gift.