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I recently have started taking steps to address my own lack of impulse control leading to substance use as well as alcohol use. I completely understand the feeling of guilt you feel and how it feeds into itself, making it even harder to maintain sobriety and overall happiness. I never really understood what was going on with me, but it turns out I have BPD, which makes sense for so many reasons for my actions in life. Going through everything you have is very traumatic, and while it may feel like you’re alone, you are not. Every single day is a new day to re-discovery, and I hope you find yours soon and find happiness you deserve.