A bit confused?

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  • #13341
    Alisa Luisotti
    Participant

    Ah, I see. I come from a family of alcoholics and substance users and I understood young the horrible life you can have if you get addicted and I stayed away from everything I could. I do take medication from the doctor but I take it as prescribed religiously. Its hard having substance use disorder. My heart goes out to people who struggle. I can compare my love for food to the dependency to drugs. Food has made my life hard. I’m a big girl and doing stuff daily wears me down very fast.

    #13353
    Linda Wolf
    Keymaster

    So good to hear everyone’s reflections on self-care. For me, self-care is essential to my sanity. Lately I’ve been focusing on the idea of staying present, focusing on being in the moment, as a way to stave off anxiety and worry, which are all about the future. I love the ideas shared above about gratitude and noticing beauty. At this time of year, I’ve really been enjoying the many lights around homes, yards, businesses, and parks. It’s so cheerful and encouraging during the dark and cold of our New England winter here in the Boston area.

    #13358
    Sasha Lynn
    Participant

    Agreed! Weirdness is cool!

    You are all spot on. If we only focus on the big joyful events, we miss the beauty and happiness that small moments in daily life can bring. We become in some ways “addicted” to the dopamine rush of the big events, special holidays, vacations, etc., and feel daily life is dull, mundane, and joyless. By noticing and enjoying the little things (like Haddock…lol) and coffee and whatever we like, we become more mindful and content.

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by Sasha Lynn.
    #13360
    Alisa Luisotti
    Participant

    I am so happy to see some people coming out of their shells! It can be very challenging to be open to other people. It’s good to know people experience the same things in life and we have similarities we can identify with. My brother is currently in prison and has missed a lot of Christmases since I could walk and it is sad. I hope one day he can get past his addiction and be better for it. Staying in the moment is important and I must confess I miss out a lot of wonderful things because I am not grounded. I learned mindfulness from DBT but its been awhile since I had that group and sometimes I do forget it’s an option I have. Due to my MDD and my ADHD it is very hard to find time to concentrate on things and then when I do have that focus it’s hard to find the right motivation! I just hope WRAP can help with that gap.

    #13373
    Rhiannon
    Participant

    Thank you Alisa. Thank you Sasha. For a very long time i didn’t feel ‘real’ i couldn’t connect with others. Now that i’m more well than i ever have been, i still struggle to feel normal, but i can more easily accept myself.

    When i stopped drinking my old eating disorder came back, eating issues are so tough to cope with (((Alisa))) and that is one of the reasons i’m here. I think that peer support, like we can give each other, can fill the gaps left by more ‘official’ support systems. A lot of ‘conditions’ are life long, but i don’t want to be permanently ‘under the doctor’. Does that make sense?

    I love looking at the lights people put up at Christmas too. It’s such a dark time of year, though the winter solstice was yesterday, so in theory the days are getting longer again. 🙂 During lockdown i took a lot of photo’s of ‘everyday nature’ and post them on fb. Trying to share some of the beauty that i see around me. I’ve had some nice feedback from people. It feels good to see the nature to take the pictures, and to share them with others. <3

    #13375
    Alisa Luisotti
    Participant

    I have trouble connecting but I feel like it’s more of a safety mechanism. If I don’t socialize, I won’t meet, if I don’t meet, no new friends and with no new friends comes with the safety from abandonment. Im currently in a group and everytime someone interacts with me I just freeze up. I really hope I will unwind from this and my nerves will settle down. Also, we usually trade one addiction for another sadly. It’s so tough. I hope using WRAP will help us overcome our addictions.
    Nature photos are beautiful. I want to get some of storms. I just love how angry the sky can look before a rain storm!

    #13381
    Sasha Lynn
    Participant

    Keep trying, Alisa! I find that the more I push myself to interact and take little risks socially, the easier it becomes. Sending hope to you! And yes, skies and clouds are one of my favorite things in the world to look at–they bring me joy.

    #13394
    Rhiannon
    Participant

    I used to be really scared of being hurt too – of being bad, of being seen to be bad. I got overwhelmed by other people, and then would shut down a bit like how you describe Alisa.

    Like Sasha says, i have found that taking small steps, and practicing socialising really helps. A lot has/d to do with my mindset. If i did something right, that didn’t count or wasn’t good enough. If i did something wrong, that had to be punished. Now i try to absorb positive feedback, and see my mistakes as things to learn from. It takes daily practice, but over time i’m finding it easier to relax in company and be less scared of failure and rejection. xxx

    #13395
    Alisa Luisotti
    Participant

    Aww, you guys! Baby steps for socializing is definitely important but because I have no one to really talk to. Haven’t made many friends where I live but I am in an ADHD group which has people. I just get paralyzed when I try to interact. Most of the time I just feel horribly judged all the time because I am a large girl so I’m never comfortable talking to people who are way smaller then me, sadly. It’s hard. I just feel like they are silently making fun of me and that’s all I can think about.

    #13423
    Sarah Farmer
    Keymaster

    Alisa, from one “curvy” woman to another, I hope you can embrace your body and not worry about being “large.” It’s ok to take up space in the world and find beauty in your curves. There is far more to beauty, charisma, connection, and appeal than our size, and most women (at least in America) are plus sized. Sending you support!!!

    #13694
    Alisa Luisotti
    Participant

    Oh my gosh, thank you so much for the support and kind words. Ive been AWOL, I’m sorry. Been trying to recharge my brain after a class I had. How is everyone doing??

    #13695
    Rhiannon
    Participant

    Hi Alisa,

    Great to see you back. 🙂

    I had a job interview this last week. A relief post, and i have been accepted, very exciting and scary. Everything seems so non-stop at present and I just feel exhausted. lol.

    #13697
    Alisa Luisotti
    Participant

    Oh my! That’s exciting news! I am so happy for you! I hope it’s a good fit! I am thinking about volunteering soon to dip my toes into the world of helping people. Can’t figure out what I want to do moving forward in my education. So glad to hear you got a new job though! So wonderful!

    #13767
    Wren
    Participant

    Hello ladies! I’m in Massachusetts, USA. I so relate to so much of what you are saying. The difficulty talking to people and not feeling comfortable in your own skin. Needing the support but not having friends.

    I came on here several months ago and there were no posts at all that I remember. If anyone wants some grounding/meditation/mindfulness help go to https://www.ptsd.va.gov/appvid/mobile/index.asp .

    There are several apps which are very helpful. I use two. PTSD Coach has a lot of information for the sufferer and families, several tools to manage symptoms and a symptom tracker over time. VetChange is an app for people who want to stop or cut down on drinking and also have ptsd symptoms. You rate your mood everyday, what was happening and how strong your urge to drink was.Again lots of tools to manage urges, anxiety, anger, tc. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE A VETERAN TO DOWNLOAD ANY OF THESE APPS!!

    I haven’t made my WRAP yet but I’m going to use some of what I’ve found in these apps in my plan.Hoping someone will find some helpful things here! Happy Monday everyome!

    #13771
    Rhiannon
    Participant

    Thank you Alisa,

    It’s taken me a long time to get to the position where i am working and feeling well.

    I think that i have said before that i was in rehab. That gave me lots of skills for looking after myself. I then spent a few years studying (psychology), i practiced the skills that i had been taught, and slowly got stronger.

    Once i graduated last summer i started looking for work. I got a job quickly (due to staffing shortages from covid and Brexit). It has been a massive learning curve. Spending time around people is exhausting and i’m constantly thinking that i’m doing things wrong. The process of getting up and going to work and coping with the day to day challenges has been difficult, but great. 🙂

    Now i have this new opportunity, since i was accepted i’ve been in constant pain from anxiety. lol. And the voices in my head have gotten worse so i feel like i’m only just coping. Talking about it here is helping me to get a bit of perspective. Sorry it’s taken me so long to reply. xxx
    In AA they talk about ESH (experience, strength and hope), i think that sharing these things helps me to feel stronger and more able. Does that make sense?

    It’s great that you are thinking about volunteering, what sort of opportunities are there where you live? Are there any specific issues that you feel strongly about? I’d love to hear more about your hopes and plans. 🙂

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