Identity Rediscovery

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    Jill G

    Hello all!

    Since becoming sober I have struggled with self-identity. Does anyone have any helpful resources you can share with me?

    Life is so, so much better sober. Almost every area of my life has been enhanced tenfold – but there’s this identity thing. I feel lost and confused almost – like who am I now? What things do I do?
    It is an interesting problem that I definitely did not foresee.

    Thanks in advance!



    Jill, when I became sober and didn’t go out to the bars anymore, I too felt lost. I didn’t know what to do. Nothing seemed like fun to me. That was my fun for years. So, I had to find new things to do. It took me a while, but the opportunities are endless. I started trying things I had never done before. I tried painting,doodling,writing. You know what I found out. There were things I could do, and do well. When you open yourself up to new things, you too will find things you are passionate about. The Road to self discovery is endless. Becoming a wrap facilitator also helped tremendously. Sharing my journey of wellness was something I became very passionate about. You are a very unique and special human being, with endless opportunities to find satisfaction in your life. That’s who you are. Step out and find what you love to do. Don’t stop unil you find it. I believe you will find many things you love and will be amazingly surprised at some of the things you never dreamed you would be good at and absolutely love.
    I believe in you. You overcame a huge hurdle, now is the time to enjoy life and do what makes “You” happy! We only have this one time make it AMAZING!!!! YOU CAN DO IT!


    Hi Jill, it’s brilliant that you are enjoying sobriety.

    When i first sobered up, i had a similar identity issue. I had been defined by my inability to cope. I had a long list of issues; addiction; self-harm; ED; personality disorder.
    I am finding the same as Sandra. It is taking me time to discover who i really am, what i really enjoy, what i value most. It’s an exciting journey of discovery.

    Sharing my experiences and reaching out to others is really important for me. It means that i feel less alone, i can help others, and they can help me. 🙂

    I hope that helps a bit maybe?

    I think once we are sober, we can learn in a way that active addiction prevented, does that make sense?

    Stanton Magid

    I too had this problem but I can say taking part in AA fellowship and going to events has helped

    Sarah Farmer

    I agree with Stanton, AA has some really great support groups. Take time to try our new activities, hobbies, concerts, movies, trips, etc. I had an identity crisis after my disabled daughter moved into supportive living. My identity for 23 years was as a caregiver. When she moved, I had no idea who I was, what I liked, what I wanted from life, or even what hobbies I might enjoy. I had to force myself to get outside the house, meet new people, and try new things. Three years later, I am still learning about myself, but I have a strong sense of self that I’ve rebuilt as an adult. Try to enjoy the process and think of it as a life adventure. That helped me to pull out of my fears, numbness, loneliness, and confusion. Best of luck!

    Evva Foster

    I am an addict. I used to be able to stop when I wanted to but then once I started experiencing what they call substance pschycosis I find myself continuing to use as a crutch or a mask. I did manage to get clean for about 30 days and I felt the best I’ve probably felt in 20 plus years at least if ever but then life got in the way. My family all caught covid and so I took care of them trying my hardest not to get it because I also have underlying conditions but in the end I ended up with covid and of course ended up in the hospital. I was only in there 10 days but while I was in there I had to have a major surgery non covid related and the surgery literally changed me. It felt like I got ran over again and again. I’ve had 3 c-sections, gallbladder, and even a leg amputated and this surgery was by far the worst. Lots of pain meds and I ended up checking myself out sooner then I should have due to being so lonely because of covid restrictions. Once I got home I was barely able to move around and do things for myself and my family so after a couple weeks of that I found myself using again. Even though my experience with this whole phsycosis never stopped even when I was clean I guess I was able to manage it well but now that I’m using again it’s back worse then ever. I know the 1st step is to stop using again but for some reason life’s everyday stresses is my excuse for continuing to use. I am barely even using but can’t not find it in me to just stop. I feel like if I can start to try n get my life back on track then it’s going to make it easier to stop. Whatever is happening to me has been going on for about 2 years. I feel like my family is watching or listening to everything I do and they feed into certain situations. I feel like I’m under some serious Hypnosis therapy or even maybe as far fetched as being brain washed. I started going to therapy and that’s where I got introduced to the W.R.A.P. program but soon stopped going because of feeling guilty that I started using again. Whatever is happening to me or going on has almost completely taken over my day to day living that it’s hard to just wake up. I’m NOT suicidal by any means but I feel like I can not “get it right” or like I’m in a reality movie or game and when I get the wrong answers or something it just gets worse. I was doing well for awhile like 10 steps forward 2 steps back but anymore it feels like 10 steps forward 100 steps backwards. I get very frustrated and discouraged with any progress I thought I had made. I am a mom of 3 (14,12,5) and a wife to a man who has stood by me through so much in our 16 years but I am not the mom or wife I need to be and I feel I’m gonna lose everything, push them all away, completely lose my mind. Through all this in the past couple years I feel like I have lost who I am, who I’m supposed to be, who I want to be. I am on my depression meds and they better then when I wasn’t on them but I feel like I don’t know how to be happy anymore or how to just be in a good mood without literally putting on a show, pretending, faking but that only lasts for so long then I break down even more. I’ve also been told that I have a really big issue with self forgiveness. I do see where that’s a problem but also stuck on how to move forward. Sorry so long. Thanks in advance.

    Sarah Farmer

    Ewa, I am so sorry to hear about your immense struggles. Do you have support and a place to turn if need help or feel out of control? If you are in America, you can call 9-8-8 for someone to talk with. You can also call 800-273-TALK (8255). There is no shame in reaching out for help!! That is self-care and self-advocacy.

    You can also participate in WRAP groups even if you aren’t sober. Sobriety is not required for you to join a WRAP program or create a WRAP on your own. WRAP is just a self-directed tool to help you find the best path to your personal wellness.

    You said you stopped therapy because you felt guilty for using substances, but sobriety isn’t a requirement for therapy either. It is a way to get support, tools you need to move forward, and a place to be heard and receive help.

    WRAP is a peer program, so we don’t offer any official medical advice or counseling. But we care!!! My heart is with you, and I hope you continue seeking the help you need so you can move forward, find true happiness, and reduce your anxiety. Life can be so hard, but it sounds like you have a husband and family who deeply love you, which is a real gift.


    Hi Ewa,

    I recently have started taking steps to address my own lack of impulse control leading to substance use as well as alcohol use. I completely understand the feeling of guilt you feel and how it feeds into itself, making it even harder to maintain sobriety and overall happiness. I never really understood what was going on with me, but it turns out I have BPD, which makes sense for so many reasons for my actions in life. Going through everything you have is very traumatic, and while it may feel like you’re alone, you are not. Every single day is a new day to re-discovery, and I hope you find yours soon and find happiness you deserve.

    Oladele Moore

    I am just now exploring Wrap and thinking of Sobriety


    Thank you all for sharing and being so vulnerable. Sounds like we are in the right space to share, appreciate this platform.
    As of February 2020, my sobriety with alcohol was born! Tumbling right into an addiction to weed, I became super self isolated and definitely did not know who I was. Filled with depression and anxiety I was able to give that up with the support of MA. Today marks 8 months free from all mood and mind altering substances. I too am trying to find out who Rocio is. Married for 10 years and been in working in my family business for 24 years. I feel like being alone on this self discovery of myself. It’s so challenging. There have been other cross addictions that have shown up in my life and im trying to just be okay with what is. Living life on life’s terms. The tools I have are there but I want to learn more. Decided to take a class on addictions to help me learn more so that I can help others on their path to recovery. There is so much family stuff going on, sometimes I feel like im living for others and not myself. I have fellows in MA for support which is helpful but I need to start meeting people in person. Dealing with my social anxiety has been rough, but as they say, “one day at a time”
    Found out about WRAP through the class I’m taking so happy to be here and connect.

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