by Nanette V. Larson, WRAP ALF
I have used WRAP in so many areas of my life. I will share just one example of a situation where WRAP made a huge difference: the WRAP I wrote for relating to my Mom.
For many years, relating to Mom was a huge stressor in my life. Just receiving a call from her sent me into a mini panic attack, even though I always let it go to voicemail. I would have to work up the inner strength just to listen to her message, which sometimes didn’t happen until days later.
Then Mom’s trust fund ran out. Ever since Grandmother passed away, Mom had been living on a trust fund my Grandmother set up for her. We all knew this day would come, but none of us knew how we were going to manage when it happened. When it did, my siblings started turning on each other, and some even turned on me. I turned to what I knew best: WRAP.
Of course, I started with developing a Wellness Toolbox. My number one Wellness Tool was to keep track of “Mini-Wins” and celebrate each and every success, no matter how small. Also in my Wellness Toolbox, I added a section titled “Issues That Need Attention” and listed out things like finances; clutter, storage, and stuff; medical issues; and home care.
I created a binder for myself with tabs for each of those areas so I could keep better track of all the incoming information related to Mom’s finances, her numerous medical issues, and everything else I was now responsible for assisting her with. I also added a section titled “Support” and identified which of my family members and friends I could turn to for what type of support, as well as the systems of care I could call for support (either for Mom, for me, or for both of us).
Maybe the most helpful part of my WRAP for “Relating to Mom” was writing the “At My Best” section. This is what I wrote: “When I am at my best relating to Mom, I am focused on the desired outcome, which is to honor her and support her in achieving the highest possible quality of life in her final years.”
Having that statement clear in my mind, and in writing, helped me refocus time and time again over the course of the 8 years I helped manage her care, all the way until Mom passed away in 2021.
Other parts of my WRAP for “Relating to Mom” that were particularly helpful were the Stressors and Early Warning Signs sections. For example, there were certain stressors I encountered repeatedly—some that were new due to my new role in her life, and some that had been occurring forever—and once I had them written down with identified action steps, they became less stressful over time.
One such stressor was Mom’s various illnesses, both mental and physical, that caused her to miss family events. The action plan seems so simple now—accept her where she’s at without taking offense—but until I wrote my WRAP for “Relating to Mom,” I didn’t have an action plan and lived with a lot of unresolved issues related to a situation that was out of my control.
In regard to Early Warning Signs, I recognized blame as one of my Early Warning Signs. I’m the youngest of Mom’s four adult children, but because of my siblings’ unresolved issues with Mom, I was the one taking on the bulk of the work.
Believe me, it got very frustrating at times! But once I identified my tendency to blame my siblings for not doing what I thought was their part as an Early Warning Sign within myself, I was able to develop an action plan for it and not let it lead to further deterioration of my own wellness or my ability to relate to Mom in a way that would keep me At My Best, which was honoring her and supporting her to achieve the highest quality of life in her final years.
Ultimately, my WRAP for “Relating to Mom” had an unexpected outcome: instead of just surviving those last 8 years of her life and coming away from it bitter and resentful, I was able to actually ENJOY her in her final years! Working my WRAP led to me developing a positive relationship with my mother for the first time in my life!
Mom has been gone for 4 years, but I chose this story to share because I believe it speaks to the power WRAP can have for anyone in any situation. Everyone has a mother!
See Nanette’s WRAP video from our 25th anniversary!
Nanette V. Larson is Deputy Director / Ambassador for Wellness and Recovery, Illinois Department of Human Services, Division of Mental Health, in Peoria, IL.
